[She waits until after Raf is settled and things have started to calm down before she glances over to her mother. They've been keeping things under wraps, just so happy to have their mother here that they didn't want to dredge up the past.
But it's clear that some things were bound to break eventually, and they couldn't keep things a secret forever. Maybe everything really is inevitable.
Still, if they're going to have this conversation, she's still going to give her mother the chance to take the out.]
( It's easy to focus on keeping Josie close, returning to Raf, thanking Thor and then dismissing him. She stays close, but knows Josie's presence might be the most calming to him. Rafael doesn't know her. And neither does Landon because she left her daughters with Alaric.
If Caroline sticks to task, she'll be fine. Get out. Find Raf. Keep Raf calm. Dismiss Thor.
It's when those tasks dry up, when Rafael is able to be unshackled, when Thor isn't there filling the silence, when Caroline runs out of tasks. )
When you were grappling with Lizzie's journal and deciding whether or not to restore everyone's Hope memories, and you called me. Was that because I wasn't there in person? Not in New Orleans, but, in Mystic Falls. ( She lets herself ask. ) Did I leave you girls with Alaric? Did I leave you?
[Not leave leave. She didn't opt to quit being their mother, though from the outside it could seem like it.]
A lot of it was for work. Also because you're trying to find a way to save us from the merge. You're always there when we call, and we go out on trips to see you all the time, but ...
[Lizzie's anger didn't come from nowhere, after all.]
You also missed our sweet sixteen. There's a lot of stuff you're missing.
( The pause doesn't help her heartbeat, or her heartache. The but... also does wonders for her guilt. She sees how her crusade to save her girls impacts her girls. And knowing what she thought they didn't, Caroline hasn't given them proper reasoning. She can see it already, traveling for the school. Recruiting. How she must explain it away. )
I missed your sixteenth birthdays? And - that's why Landon and Rafael, they don't know me, only who I am. Because, I'm not there when they become students.
The last thing I want you girls to ever feel is like I'm not there for you. Not available. Not -- ( She sighs, looking over at her daughter. ) You didn't learn about the merge from me, did you? Or your dad.
She had these spy pens, that she passed around for Christmas one year? So anything that Dad wrote with it, got filled into a journal that she kept. She then told me about the merge before she changed schools. Which was a really sucky way to find out, but ... I get why you didn't tell us. It's a lot of pressure.
She gave them to everyone for Christmas. She really wanted to know how take advantage of people's secrets.
[She presses her lips together.]
She was also the one who dropped the bomb that you weren't coming to our birthday specifically to ruin Lizzie's day, so it's clear that I picked a winner.
( Which, is also maybe a conversation they could have. Landon. And her ex girlfriend. Josie being happy with anyone of any gender would make Caroline happy. Now's not the time. )
[Which made things very difficult for Josie, honestly.]
I think once she learned about the merge she was convinced I was going to let Lizzie win or something? I don't know. She always tended to run hot and cold. It really messed with my head.
Let Lizzie win, like you'd give up? Because your sister's -- louder?
( Why would you be with someone like that? Is not something that comes out of her mouth. Because, she is here to listen. Not to judge and not to defend. )
Why didn't you come to me or your dad when you did learn about the merge? Even with me not there with you? Do you feel like you can't reach out? Am I that busy?
She didn't really understand what the Merge actually is. But yeah, I think she thought I'd just concede and let Lizzie win. And Lizzie always says that I'm the one who's going to win because I'm not "broken" the way she is and neither of them actually ask me how I feel about this.
[Because it's not as simple as winning or losing. It's not a yes or a no. It's a mixture between wanting to live but also having to live with the guilt that you killed your sister, and she doesn't know why that suddenly means she's eligible for some kind of leadership position within the coven.
She doesn't know how she could do that and not lose her mind. She's still baffled by the fact that this dark part of her would want to force it, it doesn't make any sense.]
And no, it wasn't about that. It was more ... I didn't know what to even say. I didn't know how to tell Lizzie. I didn't know what it meant. And Dad ...
[She sighs.]
He treats us like dolls in glass cases. Unless you have the ammunition to hold his attention, he'd rather keep us out of things. That's why he spends so much time with Hope - he needs a witch for things, but he would rather it be anyone but us. And it didn't seem like the kind of conversation you have over the phone.
( Everything she hears makes it worse. She's not there. Alaric has bonded more with Hope Mikaelson because he cares for their daughters and he wants them safe. While she understands that abstractly, hearing Josie's side of things makes her wish he was here too. )
It's not light conversation. But, it's a part of who you and your sister are. And I hope that - I hope that we can all sit down eventually. That I come back, that we deal with this as a family. You're not dolls, you're our girls. And you're growing up. Your dad will see that.
[They very much want to go home, back to their friends and back to their lives. But she doesn't think that they can avoid the sand clock forever, even here.
It'll turn out that her sister will agree with her, sooner or later.]
But until then, we'll just have to figure out being here.
[She knows Lizzie will expect her to be mad, but she's honestly not. It feels like that was the burst of anger she expected when she told her she almost broke the sand clock a few months ago.
Now it feels like they're on the same page.]
And Lizzie will be okay. She just needs space to come down.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action | post-lucifer's last dinner
Date: 2021-03-17 01:18 am (UTC)But it's clear that some things were bound to break eventually, and they couldn't keep things a secret forever. Maybe everything really is inevitable.
Still, if they're going to have this conversation, she's still going to give her mother the chance to take the out.]
Do you want to talk about it?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-17 06:34 am (UTC)If Caroline sticks to task, she'll be fine. Get out. Find Raf. Keep Raf calm. Dismiss Thor.
It's when those tasks dry up, when Rafael is able to be unshackled, when Thor isn't there filling the silence, when Caroline runs out of tasks. )
When you were grappling with Lizzie's journal and deciding whether or not to restore everyone's Hope memories, and you called me. Was that because I wasn't there in person? Not in New Orleans, but, in Mystic Falls. ( She lets herself ask. ) Did I leave you girls with Alaric? Did I leave you?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-17 09:53 pm (UTC)[Not leave leave. She didn't opt to quit being their mother, though from the outside it could seem like it.]
A lot of it was for work. Also because you're trying to find a way to save us from the merge. You're always there when we call, and we go out on trips to see you all the time, but ...
[Lizzie's anger didn't come from nowhere, after all.]
You also missed our sweet sixteen. There's a lot of stuff you're missing.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-18 07:30 pm (UTC)I missed your sixteenth birthdays? And - that's why Landon and Rafael, they don't know me, only who I am. Because, I'm not there when they become students.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-19 01:11 am (UTC)No. They mostly deal with Dad.
[For better or for worse. Sometimes worse.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-19 01:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-19 01:34 am (UTC)[She looks a bit sheepish at that.]
She had these spy pens, that she passed around for Christmas one year? So anything that Dad wrote with it, got filled into a journal that she kept. She then told me about the merge before she changed schools. Which was a really sucky way to find out, but ... I get why you didn't tell us. It's a lot of pressure.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-19 01:38 am (UTC)( the spy pen she remembers, because of how josie figured out about hope )
Those spy pens really got around.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-19 01:48 am (UTC)[She presses her lips together.]
She was also the one who dropped the bomb that you weren't coming to our birthday specifically to ruin Lizzie's day, so it's clear that I picked a winner.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-19 01:52 am (UTC)( Which, is also maybe a conversation they could have. Landon. And her ex girlfriend. Josie being happy with anyone of any gender would make Caroline happy. Now's not the time. )
She wanted to hurt you? Your sister?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-20 10:42 pm (UTC)[Which made things very difficult for Josie, honestly.]
I think once she learned about the merge she was convinced I was going to let Lizzie win or something? I don't know. She always tended to run hot and cold. It really messed with my head.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-25 05:59 am (UTC)( Why would you be with someone like that? Is not something that comes out of her mouth. Because, she is here to listen. Not to judge and not to defend. )
Why didn't you come to me or your dad when you did learn about the merge? Even with me not there with you? Do you feel like you can't reach out? Am I that busy?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-25 10:42 pm (UTC)[Because it's not as simple as winning or losing. It's not a yes or a no. It's a mixture between wanting to live but also having to live with the guilt that you killed your sister, and she doesn't know why that suddenly means she's eligible for some kind of leadership position within the coven.
She doesn't know how she could do that and not lose her mind. She's still baffled by the fact that this dark part of her would want to force it, it doesn't make any sense.]
And no, it wasn't about that. It was more ... I didn't know what to even say. I didn't know how to tell Lizzie. I didn't know what it meant. And Dad ...
[She sighs.]
He treats us like dolls in glass cases. Unless you have the ammunition to hold his attention, he'd rather keep us out of things. That's why he spends so much time with Hope - he needs a witch for things, but he would rather it be anyone but us. And it didn't seem like the kind of conversation you have over the phone.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-27 05:33 pm (UTC)It's not light conversation. But, it's a part of who you and your sister are. And I hope that - I hope that we can all sit down eventually. That I come back, that we deal with this as a family. You're not dolls, you're our girls. And you're growing up. Your dad will see that.
( She really hopes. )
I'm sorry this is your legacy you're living with.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-27 10:31 pm (UTC)It's not your fault. It's not like it's your crazy family.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-28 06:19 pm (UTC)( Can she pull you in for a hug, because she's moving over for one. )
no subject
Date: 2021-03-28 09:28 pm (UTC)I don't know what I'm going to do, Mom. I don't want to win, but I don't want to die either.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-28 09:42 pm (UTC)( To save them both. )
But, with the sand clock put away, we have time. Who even knows if that happens here, if, you have to in Hell.
( God, she just hopes. )
Not that I want us to be here until you two are 22 years old.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-28 11:58 pm (UTC)[They very much want to go home, back to their friends and back to their lives. But she doesn't think that they can avoid the sand clock forever, even here.
It'll turn out that her sister will agree with her, sooner or later.]
But until then, we'll just have to figure out being here.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-29 12:04 am (UTC)( she has to ask. )
Are you sorry I am?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-29 12:39 am (UTC)[Josie turns to her and shakes her head.]
No. Of course not. I mean ... no one wants the people they care about to be here, but I'm not going to turn down quality Mom time.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-29 12:41 am (UTC)( and Lizzie. all of them. she means it. )
If there's anything else you two need, or want to talk to me about, even if you think it will hurt, I want you to come to me, okay?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-29 01:23 am (UTC)[They won't, when it comes to the sand clock and their plans but ... everything else. This will be fine.]
We need you, we'll call.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-29 01:25 am (UTC)( this is fine. )
Are you okay?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-29 01:46 am (UTC)[She knows Lizzie will expect her to be mad, but she's honestly not. It feels like that was the burst of anger she expected when she told her she almost broke the sand clock a few months ago.
Now it feels like they're on the same page.]
And Lizzie will be okay. She just needs space to come down.
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